Exodus

I have to move out of my lovely sea view on Sunday. My material home is in 17 boxes. I did a good job packing today without getting into the "consider-my-whole-life-mood".
According to my "it´s just stuff-attitude it seems as if I´m getting used to the exodus.
Home is where your heart is - and fortunately mine is mobile.

Black out

I passed. Let´s just leave it there. I promise never to leave a word about Cognitive Psychology on this blog again.
It´s over.
Pause and slow motion are sneaking in on me.
Tomorrow I´ll go offline to fireplace, jacuzzi and west wind enjoying a black out - which unlike the one today will be voluntary.

The first one

..is always something special

This morning was nothing special. I didn´t want to wake at all. My head was aching in competition with my tumy. My mood was depressed immediately by the thought of today´s to do´s with "Perception", "Motivation" and "Intelligense".
But hope gradually broke through - M came as a mental and professional cheergirl giving me clues for parts of the stuff. The sun came. My appetite appeared. Togehter with laughter and jokes. A mail offered me a personal first aid delivery and the thought was aid itself.

Hope and perspectives reaching far beyond tumy and cognitive challenges come from Obama´s taking action on the Guantanamo issue.
All this beautifully illustrated by my - at this time of the year - favourite Eranthis hyemalis defying the Danish January depression. The first one always appear as a wonder, and since I was a little girl I´ve been giving my mum the first one every year. This year it will be delivered in pixels just to state the message...

Hope is. Somewhere in the hazy horizon.

Auto(nomous)focus

My phone was multitasking on its own as I was speaking on the phone durring a little cloudy walk in town. The result is this sightseeing proudly presented by my autonomous W890i:

Yes we can

My health still sucks. By a shower and poudre soleil I defyed it and went out for the first time in what feels like forever. Nomatter what - I had to be there when M came out from the oral examination, hopefully surviving the Cognitive Psychology-monster.
But she didn´t survive – she conquered!
What kind of friend refuse to celebrate because of exam and health?
We went to Aamans to have a delicious lunch – if you haven´t been there yet, go! But if the last week´s menu has been oat porridge, apples and water – then hold your horses a day or two.
We didn´t, I dared to have rabbit brawn and duck liver – yummi, but quite a sudden return to real food, which I pay for now. Unfortunately with an overwhelming mass of still unknown curriculum, headache and only two days to go.
No ambitions of a similar conquest, but a strong hope for passing.
I´m grabbing todays refrain
Yes we can Yes we will...

Fever/new empathic US course?

After two days and nights sleep it appears to me, contrary to what I thought the other inside-out-night - I will survive.
I´ve never had any illusions about my pain tolerance - being sick is shit - but being sick the give everything you have and more-way alone the whole night on a bathroom floor - is deep shit.
Fortunately and quite unexpected I´ve got some empathic vib´s from my neighbour Mr. Cain - the ambassador of our allies did show me the respect to lower Stars and Stripes in this critical situation - that´s what friends are for. Unfortunately the supply service didn´t make it the 100 meters to my bedside, but I´m sure they tried....Or is the whole flag-thing just because of the heavy storm or the preparations of Obama´s Tuesday?
I might still be feverish, but I do hope for better days for both me and the world, at the latest on Tuesday.

Crash

Worst is a galloping panic because of lying here ill with an exam ahead
Best is if a physical crashing now prevents a crash in the coming vacation
Best would be to have a food and flower delivery
Best would be if my brain was clear and my tummy fit
Best is to sleep

Kind of horizon

Words like
arbitrary
dienchephalon
spreading-activation
are all over and worst
Best is the dawning horizon of them being forever gone down retention curves in less than 2 weeks simultaneously with the revival of
retreat
letting go
life

For you, Madame

Cheerful detours

On my way home this morning I got lost - my spatial brain areas were hanging over. Yesterday´s repetitiondate with M moved rapidly into sushi and wine, and my Chardonnay findings were replicated - though visual skills were impaired, the crucial memory functions for retrieving the studied concepts were surprisingly enough intact, only a bit inhibited by the impaired speech functions following the second bottle.
Empirical studies are best, and best is a study boddy like M.
Best are new findings, when getting lost in unknown areas of CPH. This morning I found these Gaudi-like buildings, for a while placing me in Barcelonian daydreaming. But I better wake up, party is over for now, the curicullum is merciless waiting for my attention.

Sense

"Color, tone, taste, smell are products of our mind. The sensoric informations are worked up in the brain providing the experience. Sense impressions do not exist exept from in our brain."

Some could respond by either polarizing into the fanatics or to the pessimist ”everything is nonsense”-side.
I guess I repressent an ”Enjoying awareness”- perspective. Similar to everything else it isn´t devalued because of the nature of being more og less constructs of our mind.
A crispy Elstar apple is nomatter what a taste of divinity, what so ever the pathways leading to this perception of Eden are.Bach and the voice of a loved one are nothing but blasts in the air making my ossciles move the oval window and activating tiny tiny hair cells.
I know.
And isn´t it amazing!?
Yes it is, miraculous how chemical molecules, air waves and electrical signals can provide me with such vital bombardements.
No, there´s absolutely nothing miraculous in being commissioned to keep theoretical track on this mess of pathways, receptors and cortical areas. I´m sorry to say.
It doesn´t make sense!

Retrieval

I was supposed to get a grip on "Longterm memory rules and concepts" today, but it seems like longterm memory is overruling me, autonomous facing me with cues, that retrieves soft spots I don´t know whether to kiss or knockout.
Yesterday´s curriculum was easier since "Short term memory" doesn´t store anything but eating reading sleeping exercising phonespeaking so focus was kept supported by the fantastic Chardonnay.
Tomorrow "Perception" is on the schedule, and I´ll keep it straight on the theory track.
Though psychologist in spe I prefere chardonnaying for kleenexing my studies.

Backwards fata morgana

Sunday picnic

..is what I am longing for

Could be on a submarine in the Sound

If we are borred we can secretly sink another submarineBut for today I have to stay ashore in the theoretical studies of longterm memory
from where I retrieved these adventurous memories

Pause III - Framework

It could appear from previous posts, that I´m never pausing. That´s far from the idle truth. What is going on is a familiar fight against black/white.
The point is, that to prevent me polarizing into pausing all over - structures are needed.
I´ve finally figured the problem - I am awfully rebellious when it comes to anything rhyming with limits and boxes.
Phobic in fact. The fear of them being too tight makes me act as a destroying teenager at that point. I guess it´s time to grow up.
To recognize that frames can be good, especially since I am the one to draw the lines.
To calm down and realize structure not as the end of life but maybe as a way to give space to both pausing and productivity.
Better late than never, I guess.

Chardonnaying my studies

I decided to do some empirical research on how
memory functions interferes with straw-coloured chardonnay.
The findings will be available to night or at least on January 23.

Pause II

It took me almost 30 years to learn my vocabular is lacking a word. Now I´ve seen plenty arround me employ it with great succes as if it was a law of nature.
I want it too.
So I started digging a bit backwards in the heritage, if I could find it and dust it.
I did some research in the family´s vocabulary, but it doesn´t exist here.
My grandparents couldn´t afford it.
According to self rapporting, next generation come under stress if they try the word in it´s proper sense.
So obviously I didn´t learn it here.

What I did get here, was the family name ”efficient”, which I am grateful for. In combination with my dogged enheritage from my granddad, I´ll tell - you something can be acomplished.
So, what´s the fuzz about? Why make such a deal out of one lacking word?
Simply because this mentioned combination can be lifetreathning without PAUSE in ones repertoire.

So I am starting from scratch, insetting this word, PAUSE everywhere I see it lacking.
It will take some time, afterall I am almost 30 years of pausing behind, and it´s unfamiliar.

I am aware that inventing an already existing word doesn´t nominates me for the Nobel prize, just as I am aware, that this new invention will be a pioneer work of great importance for me, and that´s why I am nominating this as a high potential project.

Pause I

Yesterday was a knockout. Today is more caressing - making the marks and broken bits from yesterday appear different today. Both is pushing for me to launch a new word to my vocabulary, and I am on my way - tomorrow I´ll do it, and then there´s no way back.
I were scolded, told not to be too bright, when sensing a need for rest and not satisfying it.
The grand old lady, best, harsh and loving told me to use my logic instead of my shoulds, so now a new should tells me to take it serious - but there´s a lot to-does, so I´ll do it tomorrow. I promise.
Add PAUSE to my thesaurus.
Can´t wait and can´t help but shiver, it´s not logic, but the fact.

Updated version 2.0

I gave in (as the previous post reveals)

• Not because I found I couldn´t live without them, as the shopassistent assumed, as I entered the shop again, currious if I were lucky not to be too late for my second love

• Not because ”men like women who love shoes”

No – what caused my last resistence to disappear, and me giving in giving myself the shoes I´ve been fantasizing of, was a story from my good friend.
She´s the kind I admire for her vitality, strenght and struggles. After her telling me an anecdote from her youth, where she was asked by her man please always when in town together to walk in the gutter, so she would never appear to be taler than him – I went with my long legs right away to by the high heeled shoes.
Here we go, updated women´s libber on sky heels in honor of L, who of all doesn´t belong in the gutter.

Ooops

I did it again

Breath away

I have started breathing. Or rather to be concise tonglen. A word for breathing in pain or sorrow and breathing out relief, spaciousness or what ever is soothing.
Yes, I do find it strange and a bit ridiculous as I read about it (just as you might find my words here..).
Yes, it is true, it rhymes and associates with my former hair color - and that henna head is long gone!
Nevertheless I can´t help but admitting, that practice is good despite of prejudices.
I am not sure if it will save the world or mankind, but I am quite sure it does me better than does walking around knocking holes in the air with the gals.
So if there´s a warm imaginary breath on your frozen cheeck, say hi.

- Did I just write that?
- Yep
- Freak!
- Yep...

Top

Since the coffee didn´t came to me, I dared to leave the blankets and were rewarded.
The new Ndaroini Kenya AA Top at The Coffee Collective definitely is a freezing cold bikeride worth.
Blackcurrant aromas welcomed me from the cup with exactly the hint of summer, I were so in need of today.

Best

Best are wooden socks, blankets and shawls. Tee and another blanket.
Wearing boots and a heavy jacket in the kitchen and the bathroom is wired but best.
Best would be to stay in bed having a warm delivery of croissants and coffee.

Nutshell

Friday I fell in love twice. I only gave in once.
They were very diffent. Opposite in fact.
Both suited me well.
After many inner pros and cons I made my choise and we went home together and haven´t been appart except from when sleeping ever since.
My mum would have approved my choice, if I had asked for her opinion, which i didn´t.

And here I am, two days have passed, I do fell very at home with the chosen, down to earth and giving me a sense of being a bikerchick again..... but I can´t help ongoing fantasizing about the other.

Is it too late?
Will I be turned down, if I appear tomorrow, saying I´ve changed my mind?
Maybe somebody else ran away with the chosen.
It always is a risk when letting go of something precious.

If it happens to be the case, I will seek comfort in the fact that there are other lovely shoes in the world...

These are a quite new love from December 08 still giving me the
za za zuu

Heard in Trois Pommes

I hate lacking phone manners, but today I was caught with a shopping lady speaking on the cell phone among styles on sale, and for once I didn´t feel like teaching her about phone manners, I was silenced:

"Yeah, it was wonderful to see you again....
mm...yeah....
It always makes me thoughtful and sad the following day
It´s magnificent how sparks are flying when we´re together...
...damn you´re married......"

Hell yeah. Ouch! An empathic impulse felt like squeezing her arm.
In the midst of a 50% sale the phonecall was a reminder for all the surrounders of the high price experience, though primeval, the kind only learned by own experience.
And there´s no discount – it´s a classic.